What Men and Women Really Want

by Markus Maiwald
#relationships#satire#humor#culture-war#what-each-sex-wants
TL;DR The complete instruction manual for making a man happy has four items and fits on a sticky note: cook, be intimate, show love, respect. The manual for making a woman happy has thirty requirements, including seventeen jobs and six contradictory personality traits. After checking every box, you may still hear the sentence every man recognizes: I don't know. I just feel like something is missing. Meanwhile the man is thinking about the tacos. Feed them, love them, respect them, done. The return on investment seems slightly uneven.
What Men and Women Really Want

Somewhere in this world there is a sticky note with the complete instruction manual for making a man happy. It has four items on it. You could write it with a blunt pen and still have room for a doodle.

Here it is, in full.

How to make a man happy:

  • Cook for him.
  • Be intimate with him.
  • Show him love.
  • Respect him.

That’s it. That’s the list. Four items. If you have ever wondered why men do not file complaints, this is why. There is nothing to complain about. The manual is a sticky note.

Now.

How to make a woman happy:

  • Be comfortable.
  • Be strong.
  • Be confident.
  • Be emotionally aware.
  • Be funny.
  • Be driven.

That’s just the warm-up. The real list follows.

  • Be her plumber.
  • Be her electrician.
  • Be her landscaper.
  • Be her contractor.
  • Be her ATM.
  • Be her therapist.
  • Be her mentor.
  • Be her best friend.
  • Be her security system.
  • Be her bodyguard.
  • Be her travel planner.
  • Be her chauffeur.
  • Be her photographer.
  • Be her assistant.
  • Be her handyman.
  • Be her lover.
  • Be her emotional support system.

And somehow, we are still not done. Because on top of all that, you also need to be:

  • Mysterious.
  • Exciting.
  • Unpredictable.
  • Available, but not too available.
  • Supportive, but never boring.
  • Confident, but never arrogant.

Check every box. All of them. Thirty boxes, give or take. And after you have checked the last one, you may still hear the sentence every man has learned to recognize:

“I don’t know. I just feel like something is missing.”

Meanwhile, the man is sitting there, having been fed and hugged and respected, thinking about the tacos. They were incredible. That hug was perfect. The time together was amazing. He is not missing anything. He is wondering if there are more tacos.

Men are remarkably simple. Feed them. Love them. Respect them. Done.

Ladies, we can probably do a little better. Because at the moment, the return on investment seems slightly uneven.

But do not worry. The man will not bring it up. He is still thinking about the tacos.